Could you pass the cockroaches please?

So you all know what a huge bug fan I am. One time, I actually asked my neighbor to come to my house to kill a spider because Scott wasn't home. In my defense, it was HUGE. Anyway, cockroaches are taking over the city, or at least my house. Every day I wake up and go on a dead cockroach hunt to clean up all the ones that died over night, usually 2 or 3. So, I saw one this morning, after I had already put away my dustpan. See, I can't pick them up in a paper towel because I can't stand the thought of feeling them. And, if you accidentally squish it, they bleed green. I know this because I stepped on one. So, instead, I sweep them up and flush them to Hell, or Heaven, if I'm talking to Alysson.

Anyway, I made a mental note to pick up the one I forgot before we left the house, and then quickly forgot the mental note. I gated Carson into the family room and went to help Alysson brush her teeth. I was coming back around the corner and saw that Carson had escaped, that crazy kid. He was in the kitchen with his fist in his mouth. It took all of 1/10th of a second for me to realize that HE WAS EATING THE COCKROACH. I'm pretty sure I've never run so fast. I grabbed him and stuck his entire body in the sink and started the water. He was screaming, but I didn't care. I'm sure the water was freezing, but oh well. I washed that stupid cockroach down the drain to Hell and washed Carson's hands, and I even rinsed his mouth out. I'm so proud because I touched the cockroach with my hands, I cleaned Carson all up, and then myself, and all with out raising my voice or using one bad word. I was shaking the entire time, and chanting in my head, "Don't lose it, you have a 3-year-old watching and she repeats everything." I will NEVER leave a dead cockroach out again. I can't believe that's even a sentence I have to use.